Apr 26, 2019: Click

I’m obviously avoiding most of the internet until after I have seen Endgame because, you know, arseholes but equally a lot of the internet is cashing in on the phenomenon by running clickbait articles about the various stars of the film.

Scarlett Johansson, for example, might run for office. Click to find out more. I don’t want to. The headline tells me everything I need to know. She might run for office. What else can an article tell me?

Christ Pratt had his first red carpet outing with his fiancĂ©. Click to find out more. Again, don’t really need to. It’s his first red carpet thing since they got engaged. It’s not a massive stretch to work out the logistics behind it.

But my favourite is the Avengers: Endgame stars on-screen and off. Now, this is a common style of clickbait thing. There’s one which purports to show you the real-life partners of the case of the Big Bang Theory, but the teaser pic is Kaley Cuoco hugging another woman. Presumably you’re supposed to be enticed by this because ohmigod…

Now I find the Avengers: Endgame clickbait pic even better than that because it just, well, it’s obvious but I think somewhere in the recesses of an internet clickbait maker’s brain it’s designed to blow your tiny mind wide open. You’re supposed to be staggered by the revelations this picture, and therefore the rest of the article, contains. Ignoring, of course, that aside from a few characters most of the characters look a lot like the people playing them. Tom Holland, for example, looks like Tom Holland. Likewises, Robert Downey Jr, Chris Evans, Brie Larson… you get the idea. Everyone looks like the people. Maybe Scarlett Johansson (who might run for office) has different colour hair because, well, Scarlett Johansson. But otherwise, same face etc.

But the teaser picture is set to shake your world. Make you doubt everything you see.

Zoe Saldana. She plays Gamora.

She’s not green in real life.