May 3, 2019: Sec

There’s been a thing on Twitter – I don’t know if it was today or yesterday, I didn’t pay that much attention – which has come about because it’s the one-year anniversary of a tweet from Richard Osman about getting his words muddled while talking to contestants on Pointless. He mixed “good luck, guys” with “good luck, gents” and ended up with “good luck, gays”.

So people have been providing examples of their mix-ups.

Which made me think back to a time at work. Old work. Old banky work. I mean, there were a lot of things.

Who can forget the time a colleague phoned a customer and it went through to voicemail, and the message he left was basically what we said when we answered the phone. So he rang a person, left them a message and the message basically consisted of where we were and how we could help.

That was a good day.

But me… my incident was different. It came towards the end of our time as an office.

A colleague who was, let’s say, easily confused asked me for help. A common occurrence in that office, to be fair. Which always made me wonder how the frick anything got done on a Wednesday when I wasn’t there. But anyway, he asked me for help.

He said:

“Have you got a sec?”

That’s it. A simple question. With a simple answer.

Which is, of course, yes I do have a sec. Or yes, what can I help you with. Or yeah, be there in a minute. You know, all the easy answers. All the safe answers. Nothing stupid.

Oh hey, hi. You’ve met me, right?

So I said, “Yes, for you [insert name of male colleague here] I have all the secs in the world.”

Now, I know what I mean. I could have said time. I should have said time. But I went with secs.

Which, it turns out, sounds exactly like sex. Just so we’re clear. He asked if I had time to help him. I almost propositioned him. Somehow.

I mean, I have form for that… we all fondly remember the time when I asked Carole’s aunt what she was offering. That was a good time, huh.

Not so much, it turns out.