May 24, 2019: Water

I enjoy playing hilarious japes on Carole like moving things when she’s not looking and… well, that’s pretty much it but it cannot be understated how much fun in can be, from a glass of orange to an iron. One minute they’re there, the next… gone.

During the warmer summer months I enjoy thwarting her attempts to water the garden by standing on the hose pipe or just running the taps inside so the water pressure drops off. Or just turning the outside tap off at the valve under the sink.

I did that tonight.

But I got my comeuppance when I went to turn the tap back on.

Because I didn’t.

I turned on the valve for pipe which used to feed the hot water into an older washing machine that we no longer have. A pipe which has no cap on the end. A pipe which, only weeks ago, I said we should probably look at getting a cap for.

And then what I did was turn that on and fill the under-sink cupboard with water. Because, you know, that flood of last week has passed now. So why not bust out another one instead.

What I like best about it is the length of time it took me to react.

I turned the valve. I heard water pouring out onto the cupboard bottom. I let it carry on. Then my brain decided that my dicking about had clearly popped the pipes off the outside tap and that’s what it was. And then I realised that I’d done fucked up.

It was long enough to let quite a bit of water out.

Not paddling pool levels like the last flood, but Carole did go to bed with a wet sock and as we all know, a wet sock is the worst kind of sock to have. So from that point of view it was a freakin’ disaster.

The most upsetting part of this whole thing isn’t that I flooded the kitchen. Not even a little bit. It’s that I will undoubtedly play the same trick on her later in the summer. I mean, that’s practically a given.

Only this time I’ll probably pay a bit more attention…