May 29, 2019: Stars

I was just browsing the news page that pops up when I open my browser. Night shifts are no longer considered to be linked to breast cancer. Or the other way round. But either way, that’s good.

But then I spied a story about Amanda Holden swearing on Britain’s Got Talent.

And unusually, this isn’t a rant about how a talent show can be judged by someone like Amanda Holden. It’s actually about the article itself.

The headline says that Amanda Holden has “a p**ty mouth.”

That’s in the headline. The asterisks are part of the headline.

But, surely, that word is just “potty”. I guess it could be “purty” but I didn’t get this story from the redneck end of the internet. So it must be potty. The well-known offensive word, potty.

You don’t need asterisks for potty. Potty isn’t a word that needs censoring.

Is it?

Do we live in such sheltered times now that even the word potty causes upset and misery amongst sensitive people?

The story says that Holden dropped the F-bomb on a live show and then, despite promising to be good, appeared on Britain’s Got More Talent (aka a show made to fill some space on an extra unnecessary channel) and swore again. This time she was asked to describe the BGT spin off in one word and said…

“S**!”

That’s what the article says.

S and then two asterisks.

What fricking word is that? I mean, clearly it’s shit. Because, you know, it is shit. But then who censors a word with asterisks and then doesn’t put enough in to match the length of the word? That’s how it’s done. You should always be able to derive the swear behind its prude shield. That’s a rule.

But what three letter word beginning with S is a swear, for chriminy’s sake?

Maybe the couldn’t hear the rules for swear obliteration over the sound of the bottom of the barrel they were currently scraping to get the story in the first place.

But still… it’s basic pop culture, knowing how to cover swears. If it’s in a comic, you use skulls, hashes and swirly Dreamcast logos. If it’s in print, slap in some asterisks to hide a few of the letters.

Whoever wrote that article was a f***ing muppet!