Jun 3, 2019: God

I found myself trapped in the house this morning.

I was just getting ready to leave for work, packing my self a little entertainment for the bus and a bottle of water because it was quite warm today. I was in the front room in full view of the window.

I know I was in full view, because the people outside looked at me and then decided that they should come and talk to me.

Because, obviously, Monday means God Botherers.

My favourite thing to do with the peddlers of religion is to just leave them waiting. Sometimes I will shout “no!” through the window and usher them away before they set foot on the path. But if they make it past those defences then I just ignore them completely.

Obviously that meant that I couldn’t leave for work. Which I wanted to do. But I was in the middle of my exercising my principles. I can’t just open the door and head off to work when there are pamphlet pushers awaiting me with eager faces and the clenched hands of the pious.

So I had to wait until they moved on.

And then left, while they were a mere door or two away. So they knew, without a shadow of doubt, that I had not only seen them coming – and they saw me – but that I had heard the knock and chosen, instead, to ignore them and occasionally say, “Just fuck off…” towards the door.

What riled me about this particular group – aside from it being the largest collection of gammy-legged pensioners I have ever seen pushing the word of our saviour – was the length of time they would wait on doorsteps. I could see another three or four strike parties from the window. And they may as well have brought deck chairs to sit on, they were there for so long.

I think I got lucky. Otherwise I’d have been late for work, trapped in the house by oldies refusing to leave.

They’ll have made a note, though, of every house they didn’t get a response from. I bet I’m on that list.

They’ll be back..