Jun 9, 2019: Root

I was enjoying a nice lie in this morning, when I got a text from Carole which said, “no rush, but need some brawn”. Which, in a way, is flattering because she thinks I am strong. Which is always nice in a relationship.

Carole had been awake for quite a while before me. She’s been out in the garden since half seven putting all of her million pound haul of plants into her previous haul of pots that she totally had before this, what the heck are you talking about Jake?

I think she spent, in total, about five hours in the garden this morning. Which is pretty good going.

I joined her for a short while, weaving between all the unpotted things, freshly potted things and already potted things that were scattered across the patio. I had come downstairs with a plan involving moving all the wheelie bins about – swapping the one out the front of the house with the one due for collection, and knowing that the best time to do all that is before next door wake up and start blocking off parts of their garden for the child that isn’t theirs but is always there to run around in.

That plan went out of the window. No-one was moving anything until Carole had finished. She doesn’t get the nickname “Hurricane” for nothing. Or “Tornado”. Or any destructive force that turns up, causes chaos and buggers off.

What she wanted me for, though, was to dislodge a pot from the patio because it turns out the plant in it had grown through the bottom of the plant pot and into the patio underneath it.

Clearly we had not moved this pot in some time.

But it shouldn’t be an issue. How hard can it be?


Hard is the answer.

The root was as thick as a baby’s arm, I would say. I think, though, that Carole had already done quite a lot of the work with regards to breaking it off as I didn’t really do much while she’s considering how she would go about removing it if I couldn’t shift it.

So now we have a massive root in the patio. And we’re not sure what to do about that. I mean, if we go to remove it with tools then we are definitely sacrificing at least one paving slab. And, fun fact, our slabs aren’t available anymore by the looks of it – and because the gas people left us with a mismatch when they replaced the gas pipes. One mismatch we can live with. Any more and we’ll have to call it as feature or… take the whole thing up and re-lay a new patio.

And no-one wants that to happen. Most of all me.

There’s also a slight chance the root goes under the shed – a slim one, but it is there – so we don’t want to fiddle too much with it because it might not end well.

But yeah, now we have a root in the patio.

We fully expect it to spawn a new tree within days. Like some kind of Groot generator.

They never tell you about this on Gardener’s World, either…