Sep 13, 2019: Lawsuit

The phone rang yesterday when I was in the middle of something important, exciting or otherwise busy-time. Usually in these instances it’s my mother, calling to tell me something obscure.

It was not.

It was 0844 number, so I let it go to aswer machine. Because no good comes of answering such things.

It was a recorded message, and even better than that, it was a recorded message that started before the preamble of the “please leave a message” recording had finished.

So I missed the beginning.

But I’m in big trouble. If I don’t respond to this one, out-of-the-blue, Windows-narrator voiced message then there will be serious consequences.

Apparently there’s a massive lawsuit and I have to respond.

I know nothing about things of that nature but I imagine there is more to lawsuits than a recorded computer-speak message. You know, legal documentation. That sort of thing. Most legal shit needs writing down at some time in its life otherwise there aren’t many legs to stand on.

But hey, this very serious lawsuit is just doing stuff by the phone. And I need to call back with a lot of data protection information that surely won’t be used for any sort of nefarious activity.

Oh and I’m totally sure the message is for me. Because the message said “This message is for you” in it. No names, no pack drill. Just whoever is listening.

My favourite bit was the end, though. It signed off, in its Windows-narrator-voice, saying “I am officer [name I can’t remember] and I hope you have a blessed day.”

I mean, that’s legit shit right there, isn’t it. A law suit, verbally, for YOU, with a case handler who hopes you are blessed during your day. Despite the serious consequences of failing to provide all your information to the kindly case officer.

Oddly, I’m not going to do that. Despite the message being for me because, you know, I heard it.

I’m going to chance it, throw caution to the wind, and just have a blessed day!