Oct 19, 2019: Glue

There’s a sandwich you can purchase in Sainsbury’s which sounds both delicious and just a little bit too much. It’s a beef sandwich with some sort of greenery, an onion gravy, cheesy sauce and a Yorkshire pudding.

It’s nice.

It really is nice.

But what you don’t want, I find, from a sandwich is a bread so adhesive that if you take a decent bite it will adhere to the roof of your mouth to such an extent you have to scrape it off with your finger.

Because that was me this afternoon, enjoying the sandwich but not enjoying the fact that it wouldn’t actually leave my mouth and that I could not physically produce enough saliva to moisten and loosen the bready glue.

Not to mention that you’re dealing with the top layer of bread being glued, so your mouth has that AND the beef, greenery and Yorkshire pudding to deal with. Not to mention the bottom layer of bread.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so traumatised by a sandwich in my life.

I mean, you get warnings on bags of nuts that you might choke. But you don’t find a warning on a sandwich stating that it may forcibly attach itself to your upper palette with the same ferocity as a Xenomorph face hugger.

Having said all that, though, you and I both know I’m going to be having more of them. Because they’re really tasty. And there’s something wrong – but oh so right – about having a sandwich with a Yorkshire pudding in the midst of it.

Even if it upsets your body’s spit production for at least two or three days afterwards…