Oct 22, 2019: Stick

Anyone passing our house this afternoon – which given its location is unlikely – would have heard a man seconds away from a nervous breakdown shouting at some masking tape.

All I want to do, and it’s quite a simple ask, is run a strip of masking tape along the top of the bathroom door frame, and one down each of the sides of it. That is all. I’m not asking for the moon on a stick. Just a bit if tape to stick as it should.

For starters, one of our rolls of masking tape has no adhesive qualities whatsoever. I think it stays together on the roll out of a sense of loyalty because, actually, it should be unspooling frantically like an old tape in a cheap walkman.

The second roll I tried seemed better. I made it part of the way down the wall, jubilant that I had achieved my goal and could spaff paint freely.

Then it peeled off from the top, following me down the wall, keeping a steady pace throughout.

I have a theory – well, it’s more of a proverb-cum-life-lesson really – that the stickiness of a Post It note is inversely proportional to the importance of what is written on it. You can test this yourself – get a post it and draw a face on it, stuck it to your monitor. Get another and write something important in it. Stick that on your monitor.

The face note will remain on the monitor until the end of time, the other will fall and be lost in general desk detritus within minutes. Every time, the same.

The same glue was on my masking tape. I wanted it to stick. Its adhesive stiod between me painting and me paibting, tutting and wiping. Or painting, tutting, waiting until it dries, tutting again and going at the tiles with a blade scraper thing.

I don’t like being out-manoeuvered by glue.

It makes me feel small.