I was at work around lunch time today for a team who arrived incredibly early, giving some merit to my over-cautious travel and set-up window I leave myself.
Before I even got to work though, I thought I would treat myself, as lunch time was approaching, to a festive sandwich from Sainsbury’s. Because that’s what you do in November, you start to work on the various festive goodies that are available.
So, here we are. A nice selection of stuff. Some of them are tenuously festive. In fact that just have the word festive in front of the normal stuff. But that’s what you get when you’re gluten intolerant or vegan. The word festive is the closest you can physically come to fun. But otherwise there was a nice looking ham and Wensleydale, a classic turkey and trimmings, and a “market sandwich” which was themed around a German market and had beer sauce and sauerkraut in it.
I was looking at all these, when the woman next to me – an elderly lady – promptly sneezed all over them.
I mean, come on.
Yes, they’re all in the packets. And yes probably they’ve been sneezed on, coughed on and touched by people with manky hands but you haven’t stood by and watched that happen. When you’ve seen it happen, in front of your very eyes, it changes the perspective of things.
Basically – and I don’t say this lightly – lunchtime Christmas ruined.
Right there and then. All the festive choices were off the menu for me. Even the humus and fluff, or air and essence of grass in a dishcloth wrap were off the menu. All of it. Not having it. It’s got granny snot on it. Sod it. Nope.
I had to go to the fridge next door which, to the best of my knowledge based on the evidence afforded to me, had not been sneezed on by an OAP.
I was really looking forward to something festive. I opted for chicking and stuffing which is almost like a turkey and trimmings but with all the life kicked out of it, as opposed to the ones on offer with the potential for extra life all over them.
I’m not in on a lunchtime for a while now – luckily, in a way, because it’ll be new stock – so I get to experience none of it.
Thanks old lady.