I have been – and will continue to be – browsing Amazon’s Black Friday sale for stuff that might take my fancy, or board games that will tick all of our boxes (which is to say, Charterstone for cheapsies).
This evening I spotted a top deal in “Unknown” category. I wasn’t going to pass up looking at that. Especially because I couldn’t tell from the picture what it was.
That’s what it was.
But not just any windchime. This was a windchime specifically tuned to the notes of When Irish Eyes Are Smiling.
I’m not a musician, by any stretch of the imagination. I can play, very slowly, some keyboard if I must, and I can sort of read music a little bit but let’s not get carried away, I’d need to get a pencil out and mark all the lines for the notes. So I have a teensy, weensy bit of musical know-how.
And I’m fairly sure that a windchime tuned to the notes of When Irish Eyes Are Smiling is also just tuned to the notes of any song that has those notes in it. It only becomes the tune when the notes are played in the correct order.
So this windchime grabbed my interest from the get go because it was straight out of the gates with the marketing bullshit.
“Enjoy the wind’s random rendition of When Irish Eyes Are Smiling.”
Let’s break that down just a little.
Enjoy – fine, we’ll go with that. Sometimes windchimes can, bluntly, get right on your tits. But no, enjoy. We will try.
The – it’s just a bit of filler before we get to the good bit
Wind’s – yup, it’s a windchime. It is the action of the wind blowing through the tinkly tubes which leads to music.
RANDOM RENDITION OF When Irish Eyes Are Smiling – The bullshit klaxon is in full effect.
It’s not a “rendition” of the song. It’s wind blowing through tubes tuned to some notes from the song. It’s a Morecombe and Wise sketch. In this case, Eric Morecombe is the wind and the chimes are the piano. He’s playing “all the right notes, just not necessarily in the right order. I’ll give you that, sunshine. I’ll give you that….”
I’m no mathematician but I have been in the same room as YouTube’s Matt Parker at least twice, am friends with Bec Hill who he’s gone halfsies on a laser set up with, and have watched many of his maths-based videos. I am also familiar with the work of Hannah Fry when it comes to maths and all that.
And I’m not a statistician by any stretch of the imagination.
But, like the music, I have a passing knowledge of maths.
I think I can categorically say that there is next-to-fuck-all’s chance (a legit maths term) that the windchime will ever play the tune When Irish Eyes Are Smiling when the wind blows through it. There still is a chance it will. But it’s not one you should hold your breath for. Especially because breathing out near it might skew the data and help achieve the desired result. (It won’t.)
You can check my workings for that if you want, but it’s essentially a piece of paper with the word NO! written on it in and circled violently in thick red pen.
But anyway, they’re only £3-something, so an absolute bargain.
Our garden’s going to a be a musical delight…