Nov 26, 2019: Chimer

I’m not saying that the ridiculousness of that windchime has affected my life in any way, but I have had a joyous time looking at other windchimes available on Amazon. Each and every one of them offering something new and entertaining – more entertaining, I would say, that the actual windchime themselves.

The uncharted area of Amazon is, I find, the best.

The questions.

This is where consumers just like you or I ask FRICKING STUPID QUESTIONS about the product they’re looking at proving, if nothing else, that some people should not be allowed to shop on the internet.

But it’s not just the questions, it’s the idiots who answer them as well.

For example, on a windchime, “is it durable?”

A reasonable question and compared to one lower down (Q: “can I hang it in a porch or under a tree?” A: “yes”) reasonably sensible.

The answer though is this, “I’m not sure, but it says it’s made of aluminium so it might be.”

That whole question sounds like it’s just one person having an internal dialogue with themselves which they’ve accidentally typed out for everyone to see. It’s also, as answers to questions go, pretty pissing useless.

“Does this come in a box as I want to give it as a gift?” asks a potential buyer of another chime. Chimes are, it seems, given to a lot of people as gifts. In fact, I bet no-one has ever bought a windchime for their own use.

“Yes it comes in a box, you can wrap it in wrapping paper.” I mean, firstly, of course it comes in a box. You can’t have loose chimes about the place they’d get in a right bugger’s muddle. It would be like coathangers but a lot worse and musical. Also, did you really need to explain how to then turn it into a gift?

“Will they rust?”

“I don’t know, I use mine indoors.” Thanks for that, Peter Ellis.

I have been down some internet rabbit holes in my time, but the world of windchimes, and the corner of that world that intersects with Amazon, could be one of my favourite places. Ever.

And then there’s the reviews… a lot of them just say they’re good. There’s not a lot you can say about a windchime, you’d think.

I bought it because it describes the sounds with music. I believed and now it works as its claiming, I therefore really happy with this nice sounds. I do recommend it for someone who want good sounds.”


It describes sound with music. And it also seems to work on faith rather than air currents, which is a new one on me.

This must be what it’s like to enjoy the wind’s random rendition of When Irish Eyes Are Smiling

And just when you think it can’t get any better:

“Beautiful wind chime. I have to says The quality is good, the sound is crisp just like is a good idea to hang it behind a door for a take away shop.”

Oh, I love this strange new land I find myself in.