Dec 4, 2019: Yodel

I think I’ve had the last delivery – aside from if we think of suitable things for mum – of Christmas things now.

And I’ve finished it off with Yodel. Because Yodel are the best.

Aren’t they? They really are.


They’re terrible.

For starters, this package was due two days ago according the delivery window when I ordered it. And when I checked it yesterday, it was coming tomorrow.

And now it’s come today, and they barely even knocked on the door – just left it on the door step or “in the safe space” as the automated text called it, and stuffed a card through to say there’d been a deliver. At something past 8 at night. In a house where the lights were clearly on and we were clearly in, watching TV.

But hey ho.

I could let them off, I suppose, because I was delivery 119 of something like 126. I have been keeping an eye on a green dot moving around the local area for quite a while. On, judging by where the van was at different times, the most ridiculously plotted route I have ever seen. The delivery van has been ridiculously close to the house three times during the afternoon, before finally making it here in the evening. Although, you know, barely.

I reckon if he could have just thrown it out of the van and at the door he would have. If the non-delivery card hadn’t come through I’d have been almost convinced that’s what happened.

Because really, what’s safe about the “safe space” of a front doorstep which is visible from the road? I mean, we were in so it was snaffled into safety fairly quickly. But had it come earlier and we’d been out, who the frick knows what would have happened. Yes, we live on a side street and there isn’t much passing foot traffic. But we also live next door to people who are genuine grade A arseholes.

I mean, they’d have been hugely disappointed by what they found within the box, I’m sure. But I reckon they’d have got their sticky little fingers onto if they could have.

There’s something that dies inside you when you see the word Yodel. Unless it’s the musical type of yodelling. And even then it can be touch and go.

I was actually given the phrase “You delivery will be by Hermes or Yodel depending on the area” and perked up a little, because our Hermes people generally aren’t too bad.

And then the short straw got drawn…

But still, I shouldn’t complain. It’s here. It’s arrived. Which is more than many, many Yodel things do. I assume it’s all in one piece. I can’t check at the moment in case prying eyes happen to see. So I’m just trusting everything’s fine. And if it’s not, then fuck it because I’m not going through this one again…