They didn’t cancel – much as I may have wanted them to. I have actually been to the dentist and seen a dentist and paid for dental treatment and it’s some sort of miracle.
I don’t mind the dentist, but I also hate the dentist. We used to, when I was a child, have a dentist who was nice and fun and didn’t touch you when you were under anaesthetic. And he used to keep the bits for his dental drill in a biscuit tin, and one time it when my dad was mid-filling and he had to hold the tin while the dentist rootled about for the parts he needed.
Then I’ve had about nine thousand dentists since then.
And the one I have now I like. She’s good. She can do a painless filling. She can do a painless extraction or two.
But fuck me if she isn’t an absolute demon with the scale and polish thing.
Holy crap, I thought I was going to die.
So she looks in my mouth for approximately three seconds and tells me everything looks good but I need to have a clean. Which is fine. Pretty standard. I tend to obstruct the toothbrush, particularly on my lower front teeth, with my overly muscular bottom lip.
So they need cleaning. #
While I was in reception of this swanky new surgery, there was a video playing about how gentle the cleaning process is, using a mixture of air and unicorn farts to clean your teeth. Or something like that. I might have made it up.
My dentist uses evil in her cleaning device. And then sharpens the evil so it’s much pointier.
I was bleeding so much.
“I’ve noticed your gums are bleeding a little…”
Are they? Is that because you’ve just stuck 10000 needles into them? You evil, evil woman.
Still that’s all done now for six months. Or twelve months, depending on cancellations…