Dec 14, 2019: Trousers

There’s nothing I love more than a knock on the door when I’m basically in my pants and socks getting ready to go to work. Well, actually, there is. There’s a knock on the door when I’ve literally just got up and am bereft of clothing and in a slightly “I’ve just got up” state of non-readiness, I love that more.

This morning it was the pants and socks knock. Which, I will admit, confused me.

We weren’t expecting anything, to the best of my knowledge. I know there will be a Board Game Crate in the next week but they haven’t been sent out yet, so it was unlikely to be that. What the hell was it?

Here’s the rub. It’s impossible to put on trousers if you’re in a rush. It’s as if the legs know you’re in a rush and need to be in them as soon as possible and they do everything in their power to close up, twist around and generally resist the entrance of a foot and subsequent leg.

All the time you’re hopping about trying to be less naked, the knocking continues and you’re shouting “Hold on!” while also muttering under your breath about your inability to put on trousers but also the impatience of the person at the door.

And when you get to the door you find it’s a delivery man who is so used to coming to your house he’s automatically knocked on the door when it’s actually for two doors down. Which is better, in a way, that the annoying door-to-door people who knock and knock as if it’s the most important thing and then go next door because you didn’t answer quickly enough but then run back as soon as they hear a door open. I hate those people.

So I basically fought my way into trousers for a neighbour’s parcel. That shouldn’t even have come to us in the first place.

He buggered off down the road to deliver it. Then he came back because she wasn’t in and we ended up taking it anyway. But then his machine didn’t work properly, and I really needed to get ready and go to work and…

And then, to cap it all off, Mrs Next Door who is almost never in when she has her own parcels delivered sticks her head out because she heard knocking and was very put out that it wasn’t for her or wasn’t being left with her.

She could have taken it, if it had spared me the trouser tussle.