Dec 18, 2019: Nuts

You could see, this afternoon, that the Christmas panic is setting in. There are bare shelves in supermarkets, and people aimlessly meandering around with pork pies in their trolleys (which won’t last until Christmas, I don’t even know why you’re bothering).

And then there are the people who bang on about people shopping like it’s the end of the world and how the shops are only shut for Christmas Day and why do you need to buy all the stuff and so on and so forth.

I’ll bloody tell you why. Two reasons.

One – who wants to spend all of Christmas in and out of the supermarket when you could have just done a big shop like you normally do every week so where’s the difference? But bigger because Christmas is a bigger more festive affair than a normal week, otherwise it’s the same.  So shut up and get back in your box you fools.

Two – if you do happen to go into supermarkets – or shops in general – post Christmas they are full or arseholes who only ever go into shops in the period between Christmas and New Year when they’re off work and feel they should go into shops for something to do. Like the people who – when I worked in a betting shop – would come in on Grand National day and try and claim their winnings for the year before, from a different shop in a different town.

That’s why you stock up on Pringles like the world is about to end.

We went and did a big chunk of our Christmas shop this evening, swanning around the aisles of Sainsbury’s gawping at the spaces on the shelves – there’s been a big run on chocolate logs, cauliflower cheese and part-baked bread in a square shape that Carole really wants (no idea).

There are also people rigorously working out the best value for money on roasted nuts. For ages. And ages. And ages. We did a similar thing with Jelly Babies. But it took approximately twenty seconds – 400g for £2 or a novelty container containing 495g for £4.

The nuts, it would appear, were more difficult to work out.