Jan 3, 2020: Change

I have had, over the last week or so, a lot of early morning games to run at work. An early morning game – starting between 10 and 11 – gives me the opportunity to go to McDonalds for a breakfast. I’m not proud of that, but bloody hell it starts me off alright.

One of my favourite things, when I’m in there, is listening to people’s picky orders.

Of course, even at 9am you have people wanting a Big Mac, who leave dejected that they can only have some sort of breakfast burger.

And then you get the ones who order the stuff, but then systematically take everything off it.

A sausage and egg muffin. But without the sausage, or without the egg. Or, the other day, a sausage and egg muffin but with bacon instead of sausage. That’s a bacon and egg muffin, mate. That’s a thing.

But that’s not the only one.

Someone has asked for a sausage and egg bagel but in a muffin.

This is why they have the touch screen order points now. Aside from the fact you can get a McMinion to bring your food to you because waiting at the collection bit is just such a chore, it’s surely to reduce the staff’s exposure to fuckwittery.

Also, it lays out the entire menu in handy sections. So you don’t need to ask people to list off every hot drink or whatever else. Plus you can customise to your heart’s content. Although I’m not sure you can order a bagel and remove the bagel and replace it with a muffin. I think, for that, you have to go to a till.

I’m sad – in a way – that Christmas is finally over and that I won’t have to do half as many early starts (and definitely not in such close succession) because I’ll miss all these people. And I can only imagine it would increase exponentially once the workforce returns to offices.

But I’m also not sad because I get to enjoy my bed a little bit longer. I can, instead, lie snuggled under a duvet and dream of idiots ordering a thing and then converting it to another thing.

It’s also cheaper. And less calories.