Jan 24, 2020: Joy

I have not had what those of us who dabble in mental health issues would call a good day today.

It’s been awful.

And I don’t know why. And that, possibly, is both the worst thing about the day and the reason why the day has been awful. I think, like a self-fulfilling prophecy, my need to work out why the day has been shitty has in turn made the day shitty.

On the face of it, it’s been exactly the same as any other day. The only difference is I took a while to get to sleep last night and I didn’t get up until gone 11 this morning.

Now, getting up that late should be a red flag. A sign. People should start to worry. Clearly I’m having trouble motivating myself to get up in the morning. It’s not that. It’s genuinely the fact that I’ve slept badly this week and I just slept until then. I was awake at 8am because I asked the home computer robot lady to wake me up, but once you’ve told her to shush she doesn’t know if you drift back off or not…

And I think that – my time of getting out of bed rather than Alexa ignoring me – is what threw the entire day out. And then I was cross with myself for not getting up. And it just created a spiral of misery and general meh-ishness which has then got on my tits during the day, intensifying the spiral. And so on and so forth.

And because my day was shorter – a lot shorter – than I planned it to be, the things I have done this afternoon have felt more bunched up and on top of each other. And that’s not helped with the mood. And you can never underestimate how annoying I find the Pinch Of Nom cookbook with it’s stupid cooking directions and wanky ingredient lists (serves 4, contains four mushrooms. Or half a red onion. Or that sort of bollocks.) so that didn’t help either – today it told me, while making Philly cheese steak – to cook the steak strips and put them in a bowl, then cook the veg, then mix the cheese in with the steak in the bowl and then add all that to the veg and mix… No! Just mix it all in the pan, why the need to cover every bowl you’ve been near with cheese.

Anyway, that got my goat to.

I have been a fucking joy today, is what I would say.

Tomorrow we’re doing a Murder Mystery thing around Huddersfield, before I poke off to work in the afternoon. I have no idea how it works, although judging from the way the app doesn’t remember log ins and things, my hopes are set quite low. I think it’s like Pokémon Go for crime. But anyway, that might shake me out of the funk.

Hopefully.

Even though if there’s one thing I hate it’s walking around town centres on a Saturday…

Ugh.

See what I mean. A veritable joy.