Feb 18, 2020: Knock

Politeness is brilliant, isn’t it?

It’s nice to say please and thank you. You can get so much meaning into just a few little words. Words which make the person you’ve said them to acknowledge the fact that you’ve not been rude to them in any way, shape or form.

Something as simple as a cheery, “No thank you!” before you shut, and lock, a door. For example. Purely as a hypothetical situation. Okay, no, it happened.

So this morning I got up determined to not go into the kitchen and cook anything. I came downstairs, fired up the computer as was just idly passing a few moments scouring the internet and remembering to do whatever it was that Microsoft Rewards asked of me this morning. I remember a quiz about the Brits which I absolutely smashed and definitely did not click on all the answers until the five correct ones lit up.

Anyway, I was doing that when I heard a feeble knock on next-door’s door. There was no answer. Then there was a feeble knock on our door. The curtains were still pulled at this time. I was in full computer nerd mode, not wanting any daylight to fall upon my pale and interesting skin. No Vitamin D for me this day, I thank you. Also because the Xbox was on and I was playing a game which is a lot easier to see if the curtains are pulled (otherwise I have to start dicking about with brightness sliders and no-one can be arsed with that).

Anyway, I went to the door. I don’t know why. It was a feeble knock. That told me all I needed to know straight off the bat.

I unlocked it. I opened it. I took in the sight on the doorstep – an elderly couple, sensibly dressed, clutching an iPad and both huddled under our porch, so incredibly close to the door. I looked them up and down.

The woman said, “Oh erm hel.. erm good mor…”

And which point, I said in my most merry of tones, “No thank you!” and shut the door. Just as the door closed the woman went “Oh!”

I relocked the door for good measure. And just to put the full stop on the end of my nicety.

I don’t think anyone, in the history of the world ever, has thought, “Wow, you know what, if you hadn’t come to my door at this exact time I would never have thought of…” Be it double-glazing, gardening, a new drive. Or God.

Which is what the two knitted characters on the doorstep were peddling.

But kudos to them.

They made it further than many recent envoys from on high have because I foolishly had the curtains closed and didn’t see the pairings bustling around the street trying to drum up trade and take us out of our heathen lifestyles.

Never again…