Mar 31, 2020: Eleven

Carole is, as are many others, working from home.

This means she has become a convert and ardent fan of the video-calling app Zoom which has burst out of nowhere just as everyone needed to start working from home. I’m not saying that there’s some sort of conspiracy afoot, but if someone at Zoom isn’t related to someone in China who ate a bat (or whatever nonsense is blamed for the start of this) then I’d be very surprised.

Anyway, Zoom is allowing Carole to catch up with her colleagues on a regular basis. She’s even thinking about using it to catch up with her family at the weekend.

Carole is also INCREDIBLY LOUD when she uses Zoom.

We believe the reason for this is because she is wearing massive gaming headphones which muffle sound in the room she thinks she is deaf. And as we all know, when you think you’re deaf – or if you’re talking to someone in a foreign country – you shout. It’s just human nature.

Her gaming headset has a microphone mere centimetres from her face. I dread to think how loud her colleagues are receiving her, especially given that she is upstairs and I am downstairs and I can hear every single word she says with crystal clarity.

My heart skips with joy every time she says she has a staff meeting, or a virtual coffee morning or whatever other nonsense is being cooked up so that colleagues can get face-to-face, while wearing pyjama bottoms, in these dark times.

And it jumped for joy when it heard that even Sunday, a day of rest, was going to include a good portion of shouting at members of her family via the internet.

And that’s without her shouting down whatever voice chat app we decide to use for games night on Thursday too…

Maybe, just maybe, by the end of it she’ll have worked out she can just use a normal talking voice.

I’m not hopeful.