Apr 19, 2020: Thirty

We went over to mum’s today, as is our now traditional Sunday role, to drop off some bits and bobs we’d got in the shop. A shop, incidentally, which was one of the weirdest things I’ve ever come across. A shop in which one – ONE – 400g block of cheese was substituted for four – FOUR – 400g blocks of cheese, costing me an extra seven pounds in cheese and where our milk was substituted for the expensive filtered milk because apparently we’re made of money…

Anyway, I digress.

We went to mum’s.

She had a couple of jobs to do. None of which required any contact, so we maintained the 2m rule, despite mother’s best shambling efforts to appear right beside us at all times.

My favourite job, though, was to “loosen the outside tap”.

Bloody hell…. it was a hell of a job. I had to take a hammer to it in the end and bash the top of the tap until it turned.

And how, you may wonder, had it gotten so tight.

Apparently, during winter, a small old lady had been tightening it. Just a little bit. Every day. For reasons. I don’t know what those reasons were. But they were reasons. And every day that tap got tighter and tighter and tighter closed until – eventually – the tappy bit of the tap was about half an inch further on that it would be when the tap was just off.

That’s a lot of off.

I’m thinking about offering mum out as a special tightener of things that you think are tight enough but can still be fiddled with a little bit.

I dread to think what other things there are, that have been just adjusted ever so slightly, on a daily basis.

I’m sure I’ll come across them, eventually…