Sep 23, 2020: Clever Girl

Or boy.

Whichever.

The little fucker managed to get in.

Well, that’s what we assume because the bin bag we had on the go in the kitchen has been shredded for whatever goodies were inside. Which was, primarily, a disappointing blend of scrunched up kitchen roll, foil yogurt lids and the ends of a leek. Not even the good bit of a leek.

But anyway, that’s the sign that we have been invaded. Unless Peppa has just taken it upon herself to go mental and shred things that are waiting to go out to the bin at a more civil hour.

Carole worried, briefly, that it may be a rat. Because there’s a house down the road which is inundated with them, apparently. They live under the decking of this particular house, by all accounts (which is to say just one account from our neighbour) and drive the dogs mad. But also dine merrily on the copious amounts of dog shit in that self same garden.

It’s not a rat.

It it was, it’d be a rat carried through the house and displayed for us to enjoy by a small black and white cat.

No, it’s definitely the interloper, interloping once more.

I’m not sure what else we can do to keep this thing at bay. We can’t get one of those catflaps with an RFID chip collar because Peppa removes collars for sport. I think we all remember the endless hours of joy trying to put her cone back on after she’d been fixed by the vets because, no matter how tightly it was affixed, she found a way to get it off. It’s not even worth it. She’d whip the collar off somewhere outside, then we’d have to open the door for her and in the meantime this bloody interloping cat would find the collar and just stroll along and leave it by the flap so that it was always open.

And then rob us blind.

I think we need to remove all temptation from the kitchen.

All the cat food. Any bin bags or other eatable containers. We can leave anything out on the worktops (see the tale of Carole’s vanishing egg muffin for proof of that). We’re going to have a clear desk policy in the kitchen from now on. We need to make it as unappealing as is humanly possible to this little feline gitbiscuit.