Sep 26, 2020: Roll With It

The country is dabbling on the periphery of another lockdown scenario – albeit a much shorter timescale than the months of home activities earlier in the year. We’re on stricter Covid prevention protocols at the moment, but as ever there are people who are just ignoring this because it’s all horseshit and flim flam or – my favourite – that it’s part of a Government plan to see how the country would behave if they imposed some sort of curfew or behavioural protocol.

Which, if anything, gives the Government of anywhere, let alone the shit show here, a lot more credit than it deserves.

But because of this, we are – once more – at a point where some absolute twat (and probably one who doesn’t even bother wearing a mask in the first place) is stockpiling all the toilet rolls.

It’s funny, because it always used to be a thing that you’d imagine what you would do in a scenario in which, say, a virus ravaged the country. How would you react? What would you do? Where would you go? All those things. It’s usually how you’d survive a zombie apocalypse. And everyone always gives such macho bullshit answers about how they’d fabricate weapons and build fortresses and whatever else.

In reality, they’d just go to the supermarket and stock up on bog roll.

But, curiously, never the quilted stuff.

Which makes one wonder, who the fuck buys and/or uses quilted toilet paper? Who doesn’t like the feel of their own bumhole so much that they insist on thicker paper to increase the finger to hole ratio?

No-one. That’s who.

And yet it’s out there.

And when someone normal orders a packet of toilet roll, but all the fuckwits have bought it all, what’s left?

Quilted.

For fuck’s sake.

Luckily, it’s getting more autumnal now. So I might just grab a few handfuls of leaves on the way home from work and use them.

Save the quilted stuff for a real emergency…