Sep 30, 2020: Hermes

Hermes was, of course, the Greek god of trade, wealth, luck, fertility, animal husbandry, sleep, language, thieves, and travel.

He had his fingers in a few pies, it’s fair to say.

Incidentally, naming yourself after the god of thieves when you’re setting yourself up as a delivery company… more research needed there, I feel.

Anyway, Hermes is now, of course, the god of parcel delivery via a small Asian man in a car.

And every time a delivery is made, it comes with twenty eight different text messages. It will arrive between this time and this time, the delivery person is just at the end of the path, the delivery person has put down the parcel, the delivery person has knocked and stepped away from the door, you have opened the door, your parcel has been delivered.

And then following the delivery, they’re the masters of somewhat aggressive emails.

You still haven’t told us how you feel about your Hermes delivery. Tell us how we did.

I mean, I didn’t even see any of it happen. I just got involved after the knocking, and there was my package. Am I rating you on that? Well done for knocking on the door, five stars.

I mean, that’s already better than Yodel by quite a margin, but still.

Even if I’ve watched them approach the house with it, and waved through the window (thus negating the need for knocking) I’m still not sure what they’re asking me to rate. Well done, you made it along the path holding the thing. You didn’t drop it or eat or anything. Excellent work. Five stars.

Again, beating Yodel hands down.

Or the whole delivery process? Is that what I’m rating?

I don’t know. Anything could have happened to my package before the bit I’ve seen. You could have kicked the absolute shit out of it in a warehouse. Can I, in good conscience, rate you five stars when you could have committed heinous acts of whatever-it-may-be to a package?

Anyway, they’ll email me again tomorrow and ask again.

Still, better than Yodel.