Oct 30, 2020: Mr Pastry

What did we used to do before pound coins?

I know, we used to have pound notes. But that’s not what I mean.

I made a pie today, a cheese and onion pie with added apple for tasty, tasty sweetness. It wasn’t too hard to make but did seem to take a while and did come with the worst part of pie making… the pastry.

I am pretty good at cooking and baking and what have you. I know it sounds arrogant, but I am. I’m pretty good. I can turn my hand to most things. There are, however, two things I am shit at.

Scones is one of them. They never rise, they just remain at the level of rolling provided by me when I cut the dough. I know it’s because I work the dough too much, but it happens even when I am acutely aware of working the dough too much and try not to work the dough at all. So I think I just suck at scones.

The other is pastry. Because I am, in general, too bloody hot to make pastry. Not sexy hot, that’s not a criteria – although if it was… no, temperature wise I have hot hands. And hot hands are not a pastry’s best friend.

And, somehow, on the day I decided to make it, it turned out to be the most mild day of the bloody week. I opened all the windows in the house in a bid to freeze the kitchen to a temperature which would work against my hot-blooded rugged manliness or whatever and it turns out to be the only day of the week you could happily swan about without a coat on and not have you body take all the blood into your core to protect your vital organs.

Fricking typical.

But then it says, “roll out to the thickness of a pound coin”.

But is it a new one? Or an old one?

And then, I’ve not even used money since before March thanks to the pandemic, so what even is the thickness of a pound coin?

Some millimetres.

That’s what I went with.

It’s as vague a measurement as about the width of a one-pound coin.

May as well have just said, not to thin and not too thick.

Roll it out until it feels about the thickness you’d expect pastry to be because you’re not a monster.