Nov 29, 2020: Bangin’

Something I have become intimately aware of recently is the “Are you satisfied with your delivery?” feedback screen from Amazon.

I’ve seen it a lot. An awful lot.

And yes, yes I am. I click on all the things. It’s all happiness and light. They’re safe, they followed my instructions (whatever that might mean. I like to assume that if I yelled “put the parcel down and step away slowly” like we were doing a hostage exchange on a bridge, they’d do it), they were on time (nope, but hey ho) and a variety of other things you can rate.

There’s not, however, a section for overly aggressive knocking.

There should be.

Tonight, a cat litter tray arrived – it’s part of the what to do about this interloping cat conundrum, which may find Peppa locked in at night and needing somewhere to poo. She’s got no litter, though, because that’s undeliverable, apparently. Which, I like to think, means that there’s an Amazon depot knee deep in spilt cat litter or, possibly, they used it all up when they were faking PS5s the other week.

Anyway, it was delivered at late o’clock.

The man came to the door, put it down, knocked. And then, for some reason, violently rattled the door handle like he was haunting us or something.

Normally, I’ll shout cheers through the door at the drivers if they insist on knocking after I’ve waved at them as an acknowledgement. This guy was unseen in his approach, it being late o’clock and us having no desire to be on show to the neighbours as we eat our tea. So he got no wave. He just did the scary, gonna kill you knocking.

So instead of a cheers, he got an “alright, jeeeeez” through the door instead. Which, I’d like to think, would be my reaction if the door was violently rapped upon in a horror sense as well.

He’d also hung around at the end of the path to tell me there was a delivery, in case I was curious as to what the huge cardboard box in the doorway was. Which seemed a little bit unnecessary. Unless he realised his knocking was overly violent-seeming and wanted to reassure us that he wasn’t here to kill, just to deliver…