Dec 12, 2020: Who Are You? Who Who etc etc

Lockdown 2.0 ended earlier this week, and so – in a pre-emptive move which, with hindsight, was ridiculous – I booked this week’s shopping to come early on Saturday morning so that it would be done and out of the way before there was any chance of me having to be at work. But as we’re in Tier 3, that doesn’t really matter.

But then, later slots on a Saturday may as well be called “Pot Luck Shopping Slots” as absolutely nothing you’ve asked for will be in stock. So maybe I did the best thing, especially this close to the Chrimble ridiculousness.

Anyway, 7.40am.

It’s still dark outside, but the Christmas lights are on. We’re awake. We’re festive. I’ve opened the curtains, there’s a Sainsbury’s van outside. The shopping is here.

I open the door, as I always do. Ready and eager to accept my goods, substitutes and all, into the house. A man in a florescent jacket gets out of the van, and approaches the house, where the door is open and I am waiting. He hands me the receipt, which confuses me as Sainsbury’s aren’t doing receipts as of about a month ago. But hey ho. There we go, so much for the reduction of the carbon footprint.

And then he says, “Sainsburys!”

As though I wasn’t sure who he was.

Despite the fact that he got out of a Sainsbury’s van, is wearing a Sainsbury’s uniform, has a bright orange jacket with Sainsbury’s on it and I have the door open as if I’m expecting something to arrive, possibly Sainsbury’s.

What did he think I was waiting for? Especially as he announced who he was after he’d handed me the receipt.

It was different, that’s for sure.

It’s fun, as well, watching them come up the path carrying three or four crates of shopping, while Peppa just stands in the middle of the path and watches them get closer and closer. One day there will be an accident. It’s even better when you then go to empty the crates and one of them, in the pile of three or four which has blocked the delivery guy’s vision as he approached, contains just one Maltesers selection box. And nothing else. Nothing. He could have taken that out and put it in another container. Not really sure why he didn’t. Maybe there’s a rule that they’re not allowed to mess with the crates once they’re loaded. Maybe they’re not allowed to move something because they might inadvertently prevent a loaf of bread from being squashed under some onions or some eggs from being nestled tightly under 2kg of potatoes.

Who knows?