Jan 15, 2021: H2-Oh-No

One thing I have become quite aware of during the various lockdowns and the like is how little I am drinking (non-alcoholically) when I’m at home. When I used to go to work, I’d have bottles of water and whatever and I’d be drinking all of them even if I was only in for one shift (so about two hours of in-work time), not to mention there’d probably be a coffee or two in the mix as well.

But at home, not so much.

Some days I’m fine and do drink decent amounts. Some days I have coffee after coffee in quick succession. Other days, almost nothing.

So, new year new you and all that horseshit, I decided to get myself a water bottle to encourage me to drink at home more as well as it’ll be super handy for going to work with as well when the time comes. If the time comes. Whichever.

What it’s doing though, or seems to be doing, is pointing out how little I am drinking.

Which is the exact opposite of what I wanted it to be doing.

It’s a 2.2 litre bottle, with gradations for up to 2 litres in handy 250ml increments. So you can see how much you’ve drunk during the day. One of the reviews of the bottle said that this was a great feature as it lets you track your water consumption (although if you’re using phrases like “track your water consumption” you’d surely want something more accurate than just eyeballing a plastic mark on a bottle, and there’d certainly be a spreadsheet involved) so you can proudly see how much you’ve drunk.

Or it can shame you.

Nothing is more off-putting than noticing, just as you’re going to bed, that the water is only down to the 1500ml mark, say.

Wow, you think as you head up to bed, I’ve drunk 700ml of water today. And as you climb the stairs you start to worry about whether the electric blanket is still on as too much warmth could see such a meagre amount of moisture evaporate and you’d wake up the next day to find you’re mainly just powder.

Or sometimes even less than that. And before you go to bed you have to think through the day and try and work out if you refilled the bottle at any point.

But you mostly didn’t.

And when you do drink it all, or all and more on a few occasions, you feel great. You can start to see the effects on your skin, or in your eyes or something. I don’t know. You can’t.

You just spend half the night peeing. Gone are the nights where you’re woken by the cat leaping upon you and you can just go back to sleep. Now you’re woken by the cat jumping on you, which sends a wave of urine lapping against the pressure sensors in your bladder. No return to sleep will befall you while it feels like you could, at any moment, burst. And you daren’t risk falling back to sleep in case you have a dream where you’re having a wee and then you actually have a wee. But you’re in bed. And it’s a big wee because you drank 2.2 litres of water earlier and feel super smug about it.

But, still, it’s all for the greater good.

Probably.