Jan 19, 2021: Weeeeell, Shit

Yorkshire Water were working on a pipe, connected in some way, shape or form to the closest manhole/access point to us for. That access point is on next-door’s path, or technically, the communal path for the round-the-back access for this row of houses.

The work, I suspect, has something to do with the urgent matter of rats which came up at the start of Lockdown 1.0 as someone on a different street complained about rats and they did a survey and found out there was a crack here, which is why there were rats there. Or something. Because as we all know, we’re only ever a certain distance from a rat, but if there’s a crack they can use for access and it’s close to you, they’ll be several rat miles away. And those rats will definitely not have anything to do with the amount of dog shit that’s in the garden where the rats are.

But anyway, they’re working on the pipe.

And while they’re working on that pipe, there are some works going on with my pipe. If you know what I am saying. If you’re picking up what I am putting down. Which you absolutely should not be, at least not without gloves and other forms of PPE.

Now, they have not been round to tell anyone not to use the loo or anything of that nature. And you’d think, for the most part, that they’re a proficient enough unit that repairs can be done without disrupting their customer base.



Butt…. lol

But there’s still the thought, isn’t there, that going for a number two just isn’t the done thing. I mean, I know people traipse about in sewers and wotnot and there’s no way of stopping everyone having at it, so to speak, but when you’re working in a specific pipe for a specific set of houses…. I mean, I don’t want to think of a turd I have produced shooting past a poor workman who’s got their head in a pipe to see how the repairs are going…

I mean, I know they wouldn’t know it was mine. I don’t sign all my works. But even so, I’d know. I’d know that I had just, essentially, defecated on a workman. From a distance.

And they might know it was me, if they’d seen me go to the window at any point and look at the vans and mouth “oh, as if they’re still here, I need a poooooooooooooo…..”

In the end, I had to. There’s only so long you had hold a train outside a station before the passengers get too restless.