Jul 11, 2019: Moths

While I was making tea, I was singing a happy little ditty about destroying everyone at games night. You know, one of those happy songs about the utter destruction of your friends and loved ones. The classic sort of stuff.

It didn’t quite go according to plan but… on balance, I won a fair few.

A new game was bought right there and then by one of our team of troublemakers – this week we got “told off” for having too much fun, our first rung on the ladder to being kicked out.

Cheating Moth, as you may expect, involves cheating. You basically have to empty your hand of cards and you can play them as normal, or just lose a few to the floor – one a turn – as you play. Cheating is not my strong point. So I was crap at the start. We revisited it at the end of the night and I won a couple of games. Once with one piece of cheating, and once with zero cheating whatsoever. Just skills. With a Z.

Mysterium was fun – a Cluedo-esque game with Dixit style gameplay and we won that. We actually won. I was scarily on a wavelength, mentally, that helped with communicating with the spirit’s abstract view of the world. But, alas, I used up all my creativity before we got to Dixit. Which I lost at. Hideously.

But also, one of the finest pieces of work I have ever done.

In Dixit, you use a word, phrase or sound to describe a card with a picture on. Everyone else chooses a card which they feel matches with your phrase, sound or word. And then they guess which one is the storyteller’s card.

It’s a stupidly simple concept.

My phrase: “A middle-eastern thief.”

My card: A pocket watch with no hands.

I mean, come on.

No one guessed it.

At all.


Lost big time. But still. Amazing work.

So I won a few. A definite up turn on the previous few weeks. There is hope for me yet. Maybe I will rise to be seen as a threat. Probably not. But maybe.

We’ve got a couple of weeks to practice, though, because it looks like we won’t be going next week. Or if we do, it’ll be just me. On my own Trying to befriend some other nerds.

I’m not ready for that.

Jul 10, 2019: EDITH

We’ve had an all too rare (but we have a plan to fix that) trip out to the cinema tonight to get our Marvel fix with the new Spidey film. Because it’s been out for days and we never miss a Marvel at the cinema. Apart from, for some reason, anything Ant Man related. Which is weird.

Anyway, Spidey was awesome.

The best Spider-man movie ever. For sure. Hands down. Without a shadow of doubt. And if every Spidey film going forward can finish on a “What the fu…” that would be awesome because this one takes Aunt May’s discovery and multiplies it by a gazillion.

And it’s awesome.

It’s all awesome. So awesome.

A kid in the row in front of use kept standing up in excitement, hands in the air. I find, as an adult, I just grin about stuff a lot. There was a lot of grinning.

Especially at the bit when Carole leaned over to me and very quietly whispered, “Is he a baddie?”

Oh yes. He’s very much the baddie. And I hope for more. Even though I assume there can’t be. Although there could be because of the thing at the end and the thing just before the end and, yeah, that could definitely be a thing.

I was watching hoping, though, to catch a few easter eggs (because apparently they’re in there) that point at the future of the MCU. I think I made it about a minute or two into the film before I forgot all that and just watched the film. I need a second viewing. Or a third.

Or to find out what Phase 4 has in store and then watch it and pretend I noticed it all.

What I don’t need is one of the probably hundreds of YouTube videos telling me what I missed in Spider-Man. But I bet they’re out there, circling my recommendations feed…

Jul 9, 2019: Game

We had a bit of an impromptu games night tonight, just Carole and myself, playing through one of the Exit The Game escape-room-style games in a box things.

We’ve played a few of these before and they’re a mixture of hit-and-miss puzzles that, sometimes, even if you read the solution don’t make a whole heap of sense.

But this one, Dead Man On The Orient Express, is probably the best one we’ve played to date. The puzzles were excellent. There were some really good moments in there that were stupidly satisfying to solve our way through.

The Exit series of games is made to be destroyed as you play it. It’s pretty much a one-shot game. There are ways to play them so as to protect everything in the box and allow you to pass it on to other people to play, but doing that you lose a lot of the tactile nature of things.

Although it still feels really strange to be cutting up cards or tearing pages out of booklets, even after having done it in the past with previous games. We were only on the first puzzle and we were cutting things into pieces – by the end of it, there were bits of stuff everywhere, pen marks all over things and a piece of greaseproof paper we’d used as tracing paper – a safe way to test ideas – covered in scrawl.

Bloody loved it. And we won, so it’s one up on a usual games night experience for both of us (but definitely for me!)

We’ve got another one – because I “accidentally” bought these when I was ordering some slug pellets online, obviously – that’s double the size and length of the standard games and, curiously, involves the use of a tealight. Which is included.

Colour me intrigued.

Jul 9, 2019: Bowl

Carole smashed a bowl this morning, so breakfast for four is completely off tge menu at our house now.

I don’t know why she did it. Some sort of rebellion against the washing up being left overnight maybe, or she just really disliked the bowl. Or she just wanted to create some drama at an ungodly hour of the morning.

She swept it up. And I asked her where she’d done it so I could avoid, hopefully, shards of pottery embedding themselves in my feet. And so I could hoover up any remaining particles.

She went to work, I fell back to sleep.

I woke up a little later to a furry face nuzzling me. No, not nuzzling. Nutting. Full-on physical assault from a cat. And pawing. And meowing. And biting. I couldn’t understand why.

I shooed her away and nodded off again. Only to be woken up in the same way.

It was, this time around, closer to an acceptible time to hoover although why we show any regard to the neighbours when it comes to noise I don’t know.

I go downstairs.

I discover the reason Peppa has been so eager to get me out of bed.

“Just incase,” Carole had removed and emptied Peppa’s food bowl. I admire her care – no-one wants to go to the vets with a cat that’s eaten a bowl.

But my sleep would have loved it if the bowl had been refilled and returned.

Instead, I was physically bullied by a cat.

Jul 7, 2019: Huh

I love having Alexa around the house. I love that she’s always listening and feeding back all our conversations to “the man” and using that information to control every single advert I see with my eyes.

And I love it when she completely fails to understand things.

I have lost count of the number of times asking her for a two hour timer (the usual amount of time I let my bread prove) has resulted in a ten hour timer being set.

And there’s that one time she just went “Bonjour” in the middle of the afternoon, for no discernible reason.

I like the fact that adverts on the Radio – playing through Alexa – for Alexa set off Alexa. I love that we’ve had to start referring to her, as I heard a Twitch streamer do, as the home computer robot lady.

I love it all.

And today, she took the cake and iced it.

Carole was out this morning, and text me that she was on her way home and asked if I would make her some lunch. Nothing fancy. Cheese and chutney sandwiches. Easy peasy. It was the last of the chutney, so I asked Alexa to add it to the shopping list for next week. Again, simples. There’s even a 90% chance she actually added “chutney” and not just something random as well. Which is a winner. She doesn’t cope well with courgettes, we know that. But chutney seems to be alright.

Carole came home, ate her lunch. I mentioned it was the last of the chutney. She went to add it to the shopping list via Alexa as well.

She said, “Alexa, add chutney to the shopping list” at exactly the same time as I said “I’ve already added it to the shopping list”.

Alexa processed the sounds we had made with our mouths and responded thusly.

“Play music by Bob Marley?”


This is why, for all the tin-foil hat conspiracy theories, I think there can’t be anyone listening to anything because… well, she’s batshit crazy.

And if we are being listened to, they’ll have stopped ages ago – definitely after the 50th time we asked for a knock knock joke…