Nov 18, 2020: Up All Night

So I stayed up all last night, until about 5am when I decided to call it quits because I needed a wee and couldn’t be arsed to come back down afterwards.

It was surprisingly easy to stay awake all night, just happily playing games and listening out for cats coming a-calling.

Which it did, at around 2am. It rattled the cat flap for some time, but never made it inside the house. And it didn’t return again – I even put the trail camera out on the back step at some ungodly hour of the morning to try and capture anything else happening.

Nothing else happened. It was very much an anticlimax as far as that went. But then, nothing really seems to happen whenever I stay up or put a camera out or whatever. It just happens when we sleep normally, and a cat comes along and pisses all over Carole’s bag.

I went to bed at 5am.

More or less as soon as I got into bed, Peppa – who was fast asleep on the couch – came to join me. She bounced across my trying-to-get-to-sleep-form and then stuck her face right into mine, pressing her cold nose against the tip of mine and then tried to bite my arm.

So that was fun.

I did drift off, eventually. I think I managed to sleep until somewhere between 8.30 and 9am.

When next door started having a new boiler fitted. Primarily, it sounded like, with just hammers. Lots of hammers.

I think I got three hours sleep.


I’m sure this won’t come back to bite me in the arse…

Nov 17, 2020: Ol’ Piss Bags

A crime has taken place.

This morning Carole got up to get ready for work. I know this because she was extremely noisy and very clompy this morning as her mood was less than resplendent.

She came downstairs. She was attacked, all the way, by Peppa. Peppa then continued to attack her in every doorway in the downstairs area and, again, when she went to the car to put something in. Peppa was out of sorts. Or as Carole put it, loudly, “SHE’S FERAL!”

When I got up, a bit later on after Carole had left for work, Peppa was fine.

But a crime had been committed.

Something has peed on Carole’s bag.

It’s not me. I’m fairly sure it’s not Carole.

I’m equally fairly sure it’s not Peppa. It might have been, but it’s exceptionally out of character for her. But then, she was acting like a crazy feline this morning, so maybe she did.

But, we have another theory.

The bastard interloping cat.

We’ve taken, now, to moving Peppa’s food bowl well away from the cat flap at night. But this morning it was completely empty. Peppa is normally quite a weird eater and leaves the corners of her biscuits – no idea why, but it’s something she does. But there were no corners.

Carole is suspicious that the interloper has not only interloped, but skedaddled its way upstairs and nommed Peppa’s food during the night. And pissed, or at the very least, scent marked Carole’s bag for good measure. At some point during all this, Peppa has either discovered it or found the evidence afterwards and been incredibly out of sorts because of it.

Or she’s lost the plot and is pissing on bags now.

I know she managed to go out last night, though, as she has left muddy paw prints across the duvet when she visited in the wee small hours of the morning and, I noticed before I got in the shower, across my bare flesh too.

At least, I assume it was her.

So now I’m taking advantage of lockdown 2.0 and staying up all night just to see if anything happens. Much like anything, whenever we try and observe it cock all is afoot. The trail camera has picked up a cat which glows in the UV light but not caught any evidence of it coming in. And from what I’ve heard, it can’t fathom out the sticky tape handle on the flap either, so I didn’t think it could get in.

But maybe it does.

So, sitting up tonight I shall be. Waiting.

Nothing will happen, and then I’ll go to bed at something o’clock in the morning as Carole is getting ready for work and be woken about an hour later by the Amazon man (not for me, that’s tomorrow – hahahahahaha – if I’m lucky) bringing things for Caz, because there’s no way in chuff it’ll be a late delivery if I don’t go to bed until about half past five…

Nov 16, 2020: Currant Affairs

Christmas Cake day.

The day where the whole house smells lovely but it takes about five hours to cook a cake, and you can’t really make any elaborate evening meals because everything hinges on the cake being ready.

Not to mention you’re in constant fear of turning the oven off whenever you use any of the other knobs.

It’s a stressful day.

Even more so when the person who has ordered all the ingredients has forgotten several things – namely that we already had currants and that mum had sent over, helpfully, two bags of currants that she had been sent as substitutes in her shopping, so we already had quite a lot of currants. And then I ordered some anyway.

I didn’t get us any mixed spice, because that would be too easy – and our local Tesco doesn’t stock such a thing because it would be considered too high brow for the area, so we just made our own using what we had an a Google search, which we largely ignored. It just needed to smell a bit Christmas. I think we managed that.

But mainly it’s the currants.

We have, now, just over 1.5kg of them. Which is a lot of currants.

Luckily, I am quite partial to an Eccles cake or two, so we can make some of them to use up the stock of fruit.

With our quantity of them, and the recipe I have found, we can make ten batches. I have no idea how many is in a batch, but the recipe says it serves 4-6 people, and no-one just eats one Eccles cake. So if we used up all the currants in this way, we’d definitely be numbering baked treats in the 80s, I’m fairly sure.

Which doesn’t sound so bad.

Spotted dick. We could make that. The recipe I’ve found makes 5 puddings, which is enough – apparently – for 40 people. We could make that six times over. So we’d be able to serve 240 people some spotted dick.

Who knew it was so hard to use up currants?

We could hang on to them until next year, for more fruit cake fun, but then they’re clogging up the cupboard for twelve months. And if they’re in there I won’t be able to see the cornflour which comes in a box that is ridiculously sized for the amount of cornflour a normal human uses.

I wonder if there are any recipes that use both currants and cornflour…

Nov 15, 2020: Cherry Bomb

We’ve started making the Christmas Cake today – I say started, it’s just putting some fruit in a bowl and getting it drunk overnight, but it’s still a start.

It’s also the day it became clear why glace cherries come in 200g tubs.

You need about 50g for a Christmas Cake, bit more if you’re feeling fancy.

I got Carole in on the fruit prep as well, because why not, eh? It’s a joint cake, let’s make it together. We’ll be doing the mixing stuff together tomorrow, for sure, because our arms will be knackered stirring it all up and wishing, or whatever it is we’re supposed to do. But the fruit stuff is normally not a joint effort.

And now, along with the cherries thing, I know why.

“Are we using all the cherries?” she asked.
“It’s supposed to be 50g,” I said. “Why? Do you want to put more in?”
“I like cherries, though. Let’s put more in. It won’t do any harm..”

I am not sure that much more than 50g of cherries made it into the cake.

But all 200g of cherries have been used.


Maybe into the cake.

Maybe into the digestive tract of an adult female human.

Who can say?

I mean, me, I can say.

She ate a lot of them.

A lot.


Nov 14, 2020: The Cat’s In The Table

We’ve started the other side of the Wasgij jigsaw – the side where we have to imagine what the people on the first side were seeing, and then piece that together.

We’ve done alright, so far, in that we managed to get almost all the edge pieces out in our first foray through the pile of disassembled picture bits and managed to put it together reasonably easily as well. Which is a win over both the last Wasgij jigsaw we tried and the picture-on-the-box side of this one as well which took us ages.

So yeah, we have a frame – as Carole likes to call it in – in to which we can place the rest of the pieces that make no sense to us whatsoever.

What makes it even harder is that Peppa has, throughout Lockdown, become increasing brilliant and sabotaging anything and everything buy being there and being incredibly interested in whatever it is we’re doing. Normally, we’ll shut the doors and shut her out but then we feel bad about doing it and wonder if doing that is what makes her go down the sabotage route the next time she catches us having non-cat-centric fun. So we left the door open and merrily sawed our jigs for an hour or so.

And then she appeared.

And got straight into the table and basically rolled around in all the pieces and threatened to undo all of our work.

But looked really cute and lovely while she did it. Much as she does when she walks across keyboards on games nights or shuts down Zoom meetings, or turns on airplane mode on Carole’s laptop while she’s working or studying.

She’s backed to being locked out of things again.

I expect she’ll do something in the middle of the night as some form of revenge…